All Aboard Girl: A Heart Opens
“Can I help you?”
I hear the words as I stand in front of the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. (not counting my kids when they were born)
I freeze. But I don’t know I’m frozen because I’m looking at this beautiful person and a million thoughts are going through my head.
He smiles.
“Can I help you with something?” he repeats.
Um. Huh. Um. I nod.
My friend Terry who is standing beside me is also frozen.
I think she recovers first, but I’m unsure.
He is patient as I continue to just look at him. Frozen in place. Frozen in time.
“We want to change an excursion,” Terry manages.
“Ok, sure, I can help. Which excursion?”
We look at each other.
Um. Huh. Um.
“We’ll be back,” we say and turn to flee.
As we walk away, we look at each other and burst out laughing. “What just happened?” We ask.
“I’m not sure, but that is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,” I say.
We find our friends Doreen and Mike on the pool deck, gather drinks, and repeat what just happened. They laugh as we laugh.
“We were like 15-year-old girls with NO game!” I say. “I couldn’t even remember my name; much less ask the question we wanted to.”
As the NCL EPIC organizes itself, and life onboard the ship begins I continue to think about this beautiful man. But in a different way. It’s more about me (no judgement I will explain) than anything else.
This September I was fortunate enough to take a seven-day cruise starting in Barcelona sailing through France and Italy and ending in Rome. It was a needed trip which turned into one of the best adventures I’ve had.
After we gathered ourselves, we did return to the excursions desk and spoke to a lovely young woman who helped us change our plans. In hindsight, we probably should have left the plans as is (we worked very hard in researching what we wanted to do and see), however, it gives me a reason to return!
Back to Jean Claude, which I named our beautiful man so that we could talk openly about him. In a respectful way. (really…. this is not objectifying men)
Our first day (day two ship time) we landed in Monaco. We were registered for an excursion through Eze and Monaco in France. We tendered to land on a tender boat and joined our group. It was chaotic but the group leaders managed to get us on buses. As we seated ourselves Jean Claude walked onto our bus. Hmmm
This was a partial guided-partial self-tour. I didn’t really spot him until our group leader walked us through Monaco and released us to our own plans. We were looking out onto one of the gorgeous marinas when I spotted him.
As she released us and we dispersed Terry and I headed into Monaco. We had a great time (blog to follow)
The next time I saw Jean Claude was when we were leaving the next morning after landing in another part of France on (day three ship time). He was on the excursion team and I asked, “Are you not joining us today?”
“No, not today. Wish I was,” he answered. Okay, I’m doing better as I am now able to string words into a sentence when I see him. I am able to look at him and not freeze. Good work, I think to myself.
We enjoy the day in Sanary and Le Castellet Village atop mountains. We have gorgeous weather and it's a fun day.
Returning to the ship, we headed to the top deck for drinks and to meet up with our friends. No sign of Jean Claude.
Our next day we’ve landed in Florence (day four ship time) and we are heading out to Pisa and Florence on what NCL has called, “Let’s take a selfie” which consisted of one of the guides handing us a selfie stick. Terry and I loved Pisa (one of my most favorite places) and Florence. We have a fun day and I'm glad to be in Pisa and Florence once more.
We arrive back at the ship after walking about two miles and decide to take photos of ourselves in front of the ship. Heading back, I spot Jean Claude sitting outside the ship-looks like he’s on duty monitoring the line into the ship. I’m unsure if he's working, however, I feel he’s approachable.
He’s sitting there alone AND he’s part of the crew. Fair game, I think.
I’ve lost one of my sea bands walking around Florence or Pisa, so I approach him.
“Hey. I was wondering, would the medical team have sea bands?” I ask pointing to my one remaining sea band.
He looks at me and answers, “They might, but it will be expensive. What is it for?”
“Seasickness, nausea, motion sickness. I use them on the ship and if the roads are winding. Will the roads be winding on the Amalfi Coast?”
He smiles that smile. I try not to melt.
“Yes, it’s the Amalfi Coast,” he says. In ANY other situation I probably would have had a smart-ass answer.
Again…15-year-old giggling girl with NO game.
“Why don’t you try breathwork?” he asks.
In ANY other conversation, situation, location, place-I would have had a smart-ass comeback. Any number of smart-ass remarks.
“Hmmmm,” I say. “Breathwork?”
“Yes,” he says and demonstrates pulling his breath in and into himself with a sort of yoga pose.
I look at him.
No. Oh no. Not yoga poses. That. Will definitely undo me. Yoga, too?
“Yes, I do yoga, I understand breathwork,” I answer, thinking to myself: Are we kidding here? I had severe motion sickness two days prior as I wasn’t prepared as I could have been not knowing the roads would be that winding. Breathwork might be an option…but I’m going to need something stronger than that!
“I believe in a holistic lifestyle,” he goes on.
At this point, I just want to giggle and laugh. I’m not sure why. This beautiful man lives a holistic lifestyle and all I want to do is reorganize my life so I, too, can say I live a holistic lifestyle. And that breathwork will help with my motion sickness. I think to myself I'm going to need something stronger....
I thank him and we get in line to check back into the ship.
We change, head to the top deck to peek at sunset, return to dinner and then connect with friends for music.
As I’m recounting this entire exchange to our friends Doreen and Mike (they are definitely supporting players in this), Doreen says, “We have an extra set of sea bands! You can have them,” and Mike goes to their cabin to retrieve them along with ginger candy. When he returns Doreen says, “I will give you $50 if you ask Jean Claude about the crews cabins.” I laugh and think about this. Again…not objectifying men. Also, Jean Claude is not one of the excursions nor a ship activity. Which I hope I say out loud.
We also have a conversation about his age. At first, I thought he was much younger (not my thing), however, upon more reflection and Doreen’s input, we put him in his 40’s. Seasoned, and still young at heart.
I think a little more about this interaction. The breathwork comment still makes me giggle, however, the way he carefully answered me and tried to help… sort of…well, it made me feel and recognize his kindness and thoughtfulness. I appreciated that. I respond to genuine kindness and thoughtfulness. With no agenda in mind. Either his or mine. Because honestly, I didn’t have one. Really.
It occurred to me at some point this week that I have NOT thought about men or dating or relationships past the point of me thinking and feeling that a break was and is a good idea. I’ve spent the year healing, growing, learning, and enjoying my own company more than ever. I’ve spent quite a bit of time with friends and family. Outside. Biking, hiking, dancing. And, yes, quite a bit of yoga.
And I’m feeling very good about this. I am not sure the break was intentional; I just knew I needed to do some hard work. Which I did and continue to do. It feels right and I feel lighter and happier.
Day five ship time was a Sea Day, and we spent the day on the pool deck hanging out with friends. I was aware and said to friends that we never ever see Jean Claude anywhere except on the excursions deck or on excursions. Maybe he only exists there?
After dinner we end up in The Cavern Club dancing to The Epic Beatles and then in the martini bar with friends listening to Andrea on piano. At some point, the dancing waiters also entertain us.
The next morning day six ship time we are out and about early in Messina/Sicily. No sign of Jean Claude. We have fun at Mt. Etna and a winery. Back in the port town, we enjoy Sicilian pizza and spot Jean Claude returning to the ship carrying a skateboard.
Be still my heart.
Please. Do NOT tell me this man also surfs. It will be the end of me.
We head onto the ship and up to the top deck for sunset. We get drinks and I have my first Moscow Mule of the trip. The sunset is beautiful and I turn to Terry and say, “I’m going to the excursions desk,” and turn to go. She follows me. I have no idea why I’m doing this, but I’m going. Oh Moscow Mule courage. Works every time.
I wait for the briefest time and step up to the desk where Jean Claude is smiling. “Hi,” I say. I have no idea what else I say except, “Friends had another sea band, so I’m good to go for the Amalfi Coast.”
He reaches over and touches my left wrist near the new sea band Doreen gave me. If this were a movie, I would have sighed. And no, not a Hallmark movie.
It’s real life and I don’t, except I think to myself somewhere in my brain: hello! Did he just touch my wrist?
He asks once more about the sea bands and I’m guessing at some point, we wrap it up and Terry and I walk away.
“What in the world was that?!” Terry asks.
I look at her and smile.
“I want what you’re having!”
We have dinner, meet up with friends and I say to them, “I’m not asking him about the crews quarters. It feels disrespectful.” They understand what I’m trying to say. Terry relays the most recent conversation from her point of view and says, “I’ve never seen her like that before!”
Yes, part of my magic, I think.
On day six ship time we are heading to the Amalfi Coast, and our friends Lisa and Amber are on this excursion. As we are leaving the ship, Jean Claude is part of the team handing out information and stickers. When I reach him, I ask, “Are you coming with us today?”
“No, I wish I was,” he says and smiles.
Please. This smile is way too early for me.
The Amalfi Coast is everything you think and more. It is crowded with six cruise ships in port and I think to myself, I need to come back when it’s not crowded. It’s a beautiful part of the world and we have a great time.
We return to the ship and while Terry goes to change a dinner reservation so we can enjoy sunset I head to the excursion desk. I never see this man anywhere else, and this is our last night. I cannot leave without saying goodbye. This is for me.
As an aside. I am not expecting anything. We might be giggling 15-year -old girls and entertaining as we try to guess more about Jean Claude. But I continue to remind myself that he is not part of the entertainment.
Something deep inside me recognizes a kindred soul. I have no words for this feeling except that I know it’s here.
I wait my turn at the excursions desk, and once more as I walk up to Jean Claude, he smiles.
“Hi,” I start. “The Amalfi Coast was beautiful,” I begin. He agrees.
“I just wanted to say thank you. You’ve made this trip fun, and I wanted you to know.” He smiles and nods. “Could we take a picture together?”
“Yes, I’ll come around.”
Oh. Um. Huh. Um. Okay.
He circles around, puts his arm around me as we are both smiling and I snap two selfies. There is NO thought in my head. Except that he feels solid and warm. And that his arm is around me and my arm is around him! Can I freeze time?
He turns to me and says, “I feel as if we’ve had a disconnection,” and he motions between us.
“Do you mean a connection?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says. O. M. G.
I want to ask more about this. I want to know more. I want to know all of these thoughts. He’s working and there are a million people around.
I steady myself with the quick thought that HE thought we have a connection. A connection. O. M. G.
“Do you mind if this is in a blog? I’m a writer,” I say.
“You’re a writer? I write too,” he says.
Oh, come on!
“What do you write?” I ask.
“About travel, what I’m doing, places I’ve been. I’ve been using AI as I create a brand,” he says.
“Oh! You don’t need AI. Just use all this,” and I circle my hands and motion to him.
He smiles in a humble (very sweet way) and murmurs.
“Really. Use this (I motion to him again), and you will engage people so they will read what you post. Promise. And post videos-like when you were skateboarding the other day,” I add. “It’s the best way to engage and pull readers in.”
I hand him my card (don’t ask me why) and he says, “Are you on Instagram?”
Damn. I’m not…why am I not on Instagram?!
“I’m not,” I say.
“I’ll write mine down for you,” which he does and includes his website.
I tuck this in next to my passport. (please no judgement)
“Can you tell me how to pronounce your name?” I ask. He does. He looks at my card and confirms my name as well. It sounds different with his accent. It sounds magical. Yes, still a 15-year old girl with no game.
I look at him. He is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. And this week has been more than fun talking with him. I’ve tried not to be over the top googly-eyed, but I have a feeling I wasn’t too successful with that.
“Take good care and thanks again,” I say with my own smile as wide as can be as he smiles and I turn to walk away.
If this were a movie, he would have run after me, claiming his love. I would have turned and asked more about the connection. We would have hugged, music would roll…we’d see the two of us on the ship’s deck at sunset.
After all, I do love my men in fiction.
This is not a movie.
I will myself to not turn around.
I return to my cabin where I meet up with Terry as we head up to the upper deck for a spectacular sunset and then dinner with Doreen and Mike. I share our conversation. We toast to a fun cruise and more adventures.
We are packed and ready to leave the ship the next day.
And then we are leaving and we see Jean Claude. He is as smiley as ever and I’m so glad I was able to see him one more time. He suggests we find a jazz festival in Rome or find the zoo. Then he looks at me and says, “I don’t like zoos because the animals aren’t free.” I look at him because that’s how I feel.
Then I say, “I agree!”
I smile as I walk away. I am breathing easier. And I’m once more surprised that I can string words together to speak with him.
We find our ride and head to Rome.
I have no delusions about sailing into the sunset with Jean Claude. I’m pretty sure that’s not even what this was about. It had to do more with me and my healing. Maybe he was the right person at the right time. Maybe it was his kindness and smile even when he most likely knew I was spinning. Maybe I'm not supposed to even know. Maybe The Universe planned all of this.
Being home and thinking more about this…I realize that I was responding to his kindness. Something else I’m learning about myself. Okay, I was also responding to his “all this” and his eyes and smile. I definitely was responding to his energy. Please. I’m human.
Once home, I spoke with my friend Lauren who intuitively suggested, “Your heart opened up a little bit.” That’s exactly the feeling I had. My heart has been healing for over a year, probably much longer and with hard work, intention and letting go, I can feel myself changing. I feel lighter. I feel happier. I feel more joyful.
Lauren texted me later, “The experience awakened things in you. What a blessing. If it hadn’t happened on the trip, it would have happened some other way, too. You’re feeling open and that makes it possible for someone else who’s open to see you. I think we are little invisible when we aren’t ready.”
I will always appreciate Jean Claude’s kindness. And that smile. Wow.
Thanks to Terry, my travel buddy, Doreen and Mike, Lisa, and Amber.
Expect Good. Defy Gravity. Peace, love, and Jean Claude.
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